s02 e14: The Crusade

In which some Arabs and some Christians get really pissed off at one another and the TARDIS crew gets caught in the middle.

Review: 

Honestly, I'm getting pretty tired of stories in which much of the plot revolves around Barbara being abducted as a sex slave.

• 
  
• Whoah.  For some reason this copy beings with a segment wherein 85 year-old William Russel (aka Ian Chesterton) recalls the event of the episode IN CHARACTER.  It's actually incredibly cute.
• Now for the real episode.
• Oooh, 12th-century Palestine!
• I hate historicals.
• No sound effect on the TARDIS materializing.  This happens a lot in early episodes.  Only dematerialization is consistent. 
• Oooh.  I like when they have establishing shot showing people in trouble before the Doctor arrive.  Although I sure as hell can't tell what the heck they're talking about.
• Some evil-looking Arabs stalk some Christians.
• An Arab attacks Ian, but the Doctor distracts him by being a doddering old man.
• Barbara is hogtied by Christians. 
• Everyone is separated at 1:23.  New record?
• Two of these four segments are lost.  Originally, all four were lost, but the third segment had been backed up in the BBC film library.  The first episode was later found in the private colleciton of a New Zealand film collector in 1999, making it (I think) the second most recent Doctor Who segments to be recovered.  
• By the way, if any of you happen to have copies of lost Doctor Who episodes, you get a full-sized Dalek model for their safe return.  Check your parents' home videos.  Maybe an episode of Doctor Who is playing in the background.  No sound is necessary to win the Dalek, since soundtracks already exist.
• By the way, the film collector who had the missing segment 4 once pretended to be the Sultan of a fabricated nation called the Utopian Sultanate State of Oecussi-Ambendo.
• Apparently the President of Zimbabwe is suspected to own copies of some missing episodes, but he refuses to give them up.  If there was ever a good reason to start a war, this is it. 
• If he's sitting on a copy of the fourth segment of "The Tenth Planet," then I'll fly over there and kick him in the nuts myself.
• Oh the episode is still playing.
• Ian swordfights with an Arab for some reason.  Of course, being a science teacher, he is a master swordsman.
• Barbara get abducted, as usual.
• It's actually the most well-choreographed and least awkward fight scene in the series thus far, though.
• The Doctor cons an Arab by pretending to be gay so that he can steal a bunch of clothing.  Or something.
• Hagrid arrives and is not pleased.
• Oh great.  Barbara gets sold as a concubine to some Arab king.  She is developing quite the track record.
• Barbara tells the Arab king about her recent adventures on an alien world ruled by insects, in Rome at the time of Emperor Nero and in England in the far future.  It's farely rare for the travelers to discuss previous adventures like this.
• He insists she entertain him with more stories, under penalty of death if he is not amused, a la Shahrazad.
• Vicki wears a stupid hat.
• There's an Arab named Luigi.
• Oh my God it's Wyett Earp.
• Luigi abducts Barbara.  Of course.
• Ian gets knighted because he swordfought so many Arabs.
• The Doctor comments that he hopes he gets knighted some day.
• Vicki scoffs "That'll be the day!"
• The joke's on her, since the Doctor gets knighted not once but twice in future episodes (Fifth and Tenth Doctors).
• Ooh, turns out that Hagrid is a NICE Arab.
• Vicki has to pretend to be a boy.  She doesn't like it. "Why can't I be a girl again!" she whines.
• The queen says to the Doctor "There's something new in you, yet something older than the sky itself."  
• Luigi discovers Vicki's ruse.  "A girl? Dressed as a boy??? Is nothing understandable these days?"
• Vicki worries that she is becoming trouble for the Doctor and that he might leave her behind. 
• The Doctor comforts her.
• aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!
• Hagrid tells a really sad story about his children and wife being killed.  Unfortunately I can't take him seriously since his accent is basically that of Apu from the Simpsons.
• Also, he looks like Hagrid. 
• 20 minutes of boring political intrigue.
• I hate historicals.
• Every once in a while, a date and a time flash on the screen in the third segment, making it obvious that it was recovered from someone's old home recording.
• Richard the Lionheart ants to marry his sister to an Arab.  She threatens to tattle on him to the Pope.  This goes over like a load of bricks. 
• In the end, the Doctor is to be executed, but as his last wish asks to step inside his blue box one last time.
• PUNKED!
• A lame update for a lame episode. Sorry. Fortunately, next episode is better than sex.

s02 e13: The Web Planet

In which there are some large insects and NOTHING HAPPENS.

Review: 

Check this out. Looks pretty exciting, doesn't it? Absolutely incorrect.

Important Firsts:

• First episode so boring that I just watched youtube videos most of the time while it played in the background. 

Musings:

• This episode was originally lost in the great 1970s purge, but it was recovered later when it turned out that some schmuck had sold a copy to Algeria. The Algerians had burned their copy, but some schmuck THERE had sold a copy to Nigeria.  Negatives were recovered in Nigeria in 1979.  
• Maybe that's why this episode is even more low-res than most. 
• Oh wait.  Apparently (and I am not making this up), in an attempt to make the rather shitty sets appear more alien, the director smeared Vaseline across the camera lens.
• The TARDIS is trapped in some sort of tractor beam and is yanked down to a planet.  
• I bet there are no webs here.
• Edit: wrong.
• The Doctor wears another stupid hat.
• Ian's pen vanishes for no reason
• there are weird echos
• There is a lot of barren landscape.
• What?
• And then who?
• NO FUCKING WAY.
• I have no words for what is going on here.
• Turns out the atmosphere on this planet is very thin.  The Doctor makes everyone wear special jackets to compensate.  It is rare that the series deals with this sort of thing.
• We learn that Vicki has acute hearing, hasn't heard of aspirin, and studied medicine, physics, and chemistry at the age of ten.  The future is a wacky place.
• Barbara still has the bracelet that Tubby gave her.  She sort of fondles it.  I don't like this.
• The Doctor takes Ian's belt.  Ian comments that his pants might not stay up.  "Well that's your affair, not mine," says the Doctor.
• The Doctor then melts Ian's belt in acid.
• The sets in this episode are incredibly lame.
• Ian gets trapped in a web.
• The TARDIS takes off on its own and strands the Doctor. This plot device would never be used again.
• PS Vicki was trapped inside.
• Everyone wanders around on blank landscape for a while.
• Barbara seems to be possessed by some sort of spooky-ghost
• oh wait maybe it's that guy.
• In case you didn't realize, he looks stupider in color.
• Oh, it's a "she"
• Everyone explores some barren landscape some more.
• How can an episode with such weird critters be so boring?
• The Doctor states that this planet is in the Isop galaxy.  This is later referenced as the home galaxy of the Face of Boe.
• Some more barren landscape.
• All the weird insect critters make and incredibly annoying beeping sound.  This continues for several hours.
• Ian and the Doctor are captured by giant ants.
• Who beep a lot.
• More barren landscape
• More being captured by annoying beeping insects.
• More walking
• More beeping
• More landscapes
• more beeping
• beeping
• beeping
• beeping
• I can't finish this.
• I wish the whole thing were more like this.

s02 e12 The Romans

In which the Doctor impersonate a famous lute player, and a fat man chases Barbara around Rome for several hours.

Review:

Not exactly bad, per se, but definitely one of the more stupid episodes of all time.

Important Firsts:

• First successful attempt at fisticuffs by the Doctor.
• First vigorous humping between Barbara and Ian. 

Musings:

• In a sort of opening cliffhanger, the TARDIS topples off a cliff.
• This is quickly ignored when the episode cuts to a month later, when the TARDIS crew has settled down to a quiet life of hedonism in ancient Rome.
• Vicki whines that they aren't having adventures as she was promised.  Viewers can sympathize, since watching Ian eat grapes for ten minutes is hardly good television.
• At the market, Vicki apparently shares Susan's obsession with fine fabrics and insisting that Barbara make her dresses.
• A cute old lyre player dodders down the road.
• AND IS BRUTALLY STABBED TO DEATH!
• The TARDIS crew shares a meal and talks about candied chestnuts and hibiscus honey and a lot of other shit.
• When the Doctor says she can come along on a trip to Rome, Vicki has one of the most adorable reactions in Doctor Who.  Check out this video and jump to 10:43.  Reaction comes at 10:53.  Play it over and over again and watch it get more and more absurd. 
• She acts like Paprika when I open a can of catfood.
• Barbara insists on combing Ian's hair so that it looks sexier. Ian pretends not to be pleased.
• I still find it hard to believe that the producers did not intend any sexual tension between these two.
• You can go to the video and jump to 12:03.
• The Tenth Doctor briefly references this adventure in "The Fires of Pompei"
• The Doctor discovers the dead lyre player and decides to impersonate him to discover who the stabber was.
• On a very related note, in the first segment cliffhanger, a stabber enters the Doctor's chamber. 
• The Doctor FISTICUFFS THE SHIT OUT OF HIM.
• And who says only the Third Doctor knew karate!
• Wait why is RORY here?
• On a related note, Rory is a pimp. (Warning: Contains spoiler for "A Good Man Goes to War")
• Some stabbers interrupt Barbara and Ian.  Ian judos the shit out of them for a while, but then Barbara accidentally smashes a vase over his head, dooming both of them.
• Barbara is to be sold as a sex slave. Ian is put on a galley ship,
• The galley ship is actually a pretty impressive set piece. 
• Barbara gets purchased at the auction by Tubby-Tubby Two-By-Four
• A massive storm (with special effects that are still impressive by today's standards, probably because they use mass quantities of real water rather than CGI) strikes the galley ship.
• Ian is thrown overboard and dies.
• No actually he is recaptured and forced to fight Paprika in a gladiator pit.
• Check out the fact that that wiki article contains every appearance of a lion in Doctor Who.
• Turns out that Tubby is the Caesar
• He and the Doctor play dueling lyres.
• Tubby-Tubby chases Barbara for sex.  Fortunately, he is, well, tubby.
• This is like watching Wile E Coyote and Road Runner.
• The Doctor and Tubby-Tubby take off their clothes and become friends.
• Turns out the Doctor has some fairly impressive biceps.
• Vicki accidentally poisons Tubby-Tubby.
• The whole episode feels rather like a french farce.
• Attack of the Rorys
• The Doctor uses his brainy specs to set fire to Rome.
• To make a long story short, shit hits the fan and Rome burns to the ground.
• Ian and Barbara are flirting again.
• Oh my god what are they doing now?
• I have nothing else to say.

s02 e11 The Rescue

In which Susan is replaced by a marginally improved clone of herself, and Barbara murders the hell out of a poor little girl's dog.


Review:

Short and sweet, this somewhat spooky mystery gets some points for being interesting despite its short running time.

Important Firsts:

• First appearance of Vicki (aka Susan 2.0)

Musings:

• At only two segments, this may be the second shortest episode of Doctor Who ever. Only the standalone "Mission to the Unknown" is shorter.  It's about the same length as a new series episode--very slightly shorter.  Less time to tell a good story, but obviously it can be done. 
• I like episodes that begin by showing us some people in distress before the Doctor arrives. It really helps to establish the scene and adds to the impression of a the Doctor as a dude who swoops in to save the day rather than just a dude who runs in to trouble all the time.  Though the latter is also true.
• This episode marks the first new companion.  Role-wise, Vicki fills essentially the same niche as Susan: impetuous teenage damsel in distress. The Doctor even adopts her as a sort of surrogate granddaughter. Clearly they wanted the show's format to stay as similar as possible.
• In retrospect, they could have had Susan just regenerate (assuming she is a Time Lord and not merely Gallifreyen).  However, I am pretty glad they didn't
• Vicki and some random Old Dude are stuck on a planet waiting for a rescue ship.
• Vicki's voice is less annoying than Susan's.  She's also more smiley and easier on the eyes.
• Does anyone else think that Amy Pond is not actually that good looking?
• And what is UP with that shirt thing?
• No really, I'll take Vicki any day.
• OH WAIT SHE'S 16 YOU DIRTY PEDOPHILES!
• Vicki may also be marginally less stupid than Susan.
• Blip blip goes the radar, but it's not the rescue ship.
• I BET IT'S THE TARDIS
• Originally, the producers meant the TARDIS to actually change with every landing.  But because of budget reasons they had it get stuck as a 1963 police box.  Funny to think that the show would NEVER have become as iconic of the Chameleon Circuit actually worked.  Just think about Doctor Who without a blue police box...
• The Doctor sleeps through the landing, which he's never done before.
• "I feel a bit sticky.  I must go and have a wash" says the Doctor upon waking.  He never does have a wash. I like to imagine the Doctor smelling bad through this whole episode.  
• I'm not sure Hartnell has even read his lines this time.  I think he may be improvising.  Badly.
• The TARDIS is in a pretty spooky cave.  The TARDIS top light blinks on and off, providing the only source of illumination.
• The Doctor goes BACK INSIDE for another nap.  I wonder what's up?
• He's probably feeling bad about Susan.
• Ian and Barbara discuss how the Doctor may be going old and senile and feeble. The Doctor's head pops back out of the TARDIS doors, wide-eyed.  "Remember, I can hear everything you're saying." His head pops back in and the door slams.
• Ian and Barbara go exploring, and everything is pretty--HOLY BALLS!
• Ian and Barbara clutch each other.
• But it acts friendly...
• ...Until it shoves Barbara off a cliff.  
• Now dubbed: Freaky Alien. 
• Barbara is pinned to the ground by a MASSIVE log.
• Back in the TARDIS the Doctor jabbers to himself like a senile old man.
• Ian and the Doctor set out to look for Barbara
• Vicki fervently makes a bed when Freaky Alien pops in and admonishes her not to wander from the ship. He claims he is protecting her from the rest of his people.
• Freaky Alien goes in the back to talk to Old Dude.  It is revealed that Vicki has hidden Barbara under the bed.
• Vicki relates the story of how her ship crashed, killing her whole family and leaving only her and Old Dude alive.
• She manages to cry without shrieking.  I never thought I would see the day....
• Maureen O'Brien is a better actress than Carole Ann Ford, not that Ford was given much to work with....
• Ian and the Doctor trek through a cave.  As usual, everything is going fine until IT SUDDENLY DOESN'T.
• Some ridiculous trap involving razor blades pushing Ian slowly toward the monstrosity in the pit.
• He escapes by stepping around them.  Um.
• Vicki goes outside and then appears to be menaced by the same cave creature.
• Barbara freaks out and shoots it to death with a flare gun.
• OH WAIT IT TURNS OUT THE CAVE MONSTER WAS VICKI'S BELOVED PET.
• It's name was "Sandy"
• Sandy wails and cries as he dies a slow, agonizing death.
• A confrontation ensues. 
• The Doctor arrives just in time to comfort Vicki.  Though he does this mostly by dismissing her sadness and saying that she looks "a bit of a mess" Somehow this works.
• Actually, now that I watch it, the Doctor and Vicki are pretty adorable together.
• The Doctor gets upset when Old Man won't open the door.
• SO HE BLUDGEONS THE DOOR DOWN WITH A GIRDER. 
• Inside, he finds a spookyhole
• Down the spookyhole, he confronts Freaky Alien.
• OH SHIT A PLOT TWIST.
• Turns out Freaky Alien was Old Man all along.
• The Doctor had worked it out a while ago.  In fact he comes across as an awesome baddass in this scene...
• ...until he engages in some rather unsuccessful fisticuffs.
• The Doctor tries (and fails) to attack Old Man Freaky Alien with a rock, a stick, a chair, and (I shit you not) a pillow.
• Some extremely random men arrive to save the day.
• um. 
• The Doctor invites Vicki along to be his new granddaughter. It's actually a pretty touching scene.
• Then, he forces her to wear an ugly black wig and performs surgery to give her a second heart.
• Not really.
• Vicki enters the TARDIS...
• "But it's HUGE! And, the outside is just..."
• ...And she trails off. No "bigger on the inside!"

Marvel Interlude: Thor

So despite the fact that the next episode of Doctor who involves Barbara brutally murdering some poor little girl's dog with a flare gun, I'm actually not in the mood for Doctor Who at the moment after fighting with the image links a lot today.  I promise I'll get back on track tomorrow in order to document Barbara's brutality.

Instead, tonight I will be watching Thor, which is sort of like Doctor Who except they replaced the sonic screwdriver with a magic hammer and instead of using a TARDIS the main character just sort of flies around a whole lot.

Obviously, this will contain spoilers (albeit extremely incoherent ones), so if you haven't seen the movie yet, consider yourself warned.

Synopsis:
Um....Thor beats the crap out of some people? I dunno--unlike every episode of Doctor Who, I haven't seen this yet.

Review:

I think the Musings below say it all.

Musings:

• I'm watching a decent quality cam in that nobody's turban is in the way and I haven't yet gotten a "cease and desist" order from Verizon for downloading it.  Nevertheless, it's still a cam.  
• Wait why does a video of Fallout Boy come up over that link?
• Whatever.
• Okay, here we go.  Hoo boy.
• Oh god hold on. I need a drink to fully appreciate this.
• Mmm, also found some food in the fridge that my roommates cooked me.  It's really nice have three big sisters all of the sudden. 
• I call this "Thor's Lightning" (it's a vodka-pineapple).
• Okay, hitting "play"
• New Mexico.  Hookay.
• Some ladies arguing about atmospheric disturbances.
• AND OH SHIT IT'S THE HAMMER OF THOR.
• One of them decides it is a good idea to drive the van towards the massive explosion.
• "I AM NOT DYING FOR SIX COLLEGE CREDITS" shrieks one girl, now dubbed "College Chick".
• Other one will be "Younger Sister"
• Wait how do you get fucking six credits for one class? At Olin we got like four.
• An annoying voiceover about Gods and Frost Giants and Shit.
• I don't like this movie.
• Okay hell.  This is three hours later since the last bullet because one of my sisters was having trouble with her crazy family and now I'm several more drinks in and I don't know where my cat is.  The rest of this movie is going to be pretty fucking interesting. 
• I think Paprika got out on the roof.
• Apparently Odin is a baddass?  I really don't understand this anymore.
• Either these action sequences are really poorly edditted or I am really drunk.  Maybe both.  I don't know what is going on.
• Okay yeah Asgard really does look like Gallifrey.
• Young Thor is a a huge ween.
•  Just gonna be honest here. The actual Hammer of Thor prop looks really dumb. Shouldn't it have like fancy runes or something?  It's super plain.
• Wait did I spell "plane" right?
• Oh my God Thor looks dumb in that cape.
• I don't like this movie.
• Ian and Barbara REALLY need to bone.
• OH SHIT I JUST SAW GIMLI!
• This movie is shit.
• Frost giants attack Asgard.
• Shit hits the fizzle.
• Chris Fitzhugh just messaged me on OKcupid
• OK what is going on now?
• This is actually one of the most incoherent movies I've ever seen.
• Shit I wish I had more cheese.
• Odin tells Thor that he's kind of lame, and Thor flips the SHIT out of a table.
• "Madness? This is SPARTA!"
• Oh shit Paprika is on the roof.
• Um.
• OH GOD THERE'S A LADY IN THIS MOVIE.
• She's like some fierce Asgard warrior.  Xena, maybe?
• I have decided this movie will not be good until Thor hooks up with those college chicks, because so far all this shit in Gallifrey in really dumb.  Maybe the real world will be better.
• I take it back--I really DONT want a God and a mortal to hook up.
• What the FUCK is going on?
• I think I maybe just saw Paprika out the window.  Should I be concerned?
• So actually Loki is waaaaaaay cooler than Thor.  I hope he wins.
• No seriously Loki is super chill and Thor is a huge ween.
• They confront some frost giant king, and Loki gives some good advice which Thor ignores.
• OH MY GOD THOR JUST SMACKED THE SHIT OUT OF THAT GUY WITH HIS HAMMER
• These action sequences are SO poorly eddited I hame NO idea what the fuck is going on
• Xena gets her ass kicked
• GIMILI KICKS SOME ASS
• Loki pulls some cool trickster shit
• But his hand gets frozen or somethign and now he's pissed
• Oh I think Thor just killed some 15 frost giants with one hammer throw
• Thor just made some sort of massive lighting earthquake wave that killed EVERYTHING
• How is this guys supposed to end up on the same team as Captain America, a dude who is just sort of marginally strong and fast?
• Apparently Thor just started some really big war.
• Wow Thor is a huge asshole, and Loki is pretty chill.
• Thor just called Odin "an old man and a fool"
• Dumb bitch.
• Odin just curb-stomped the SHIT out of Thor!
• Now he's like cast down to earth
• Where hopefully he will not make out with some college chicks.
• Are we seriously like a quarter of the way through this movie?  All that has happenned is some poorly edited action sequences.
• I am eating like three pounds of cinnamon toast crunch right now.
• It's is 2:20 AM.
• Ok College Chick and Younger Sister just ran over Thor with a van.
• Whoah SHIT THEY DIG EACH OTHER
• THor is shrieking about hammers, and College Chick think he's drunk
• OH MY GOD YOUNGER SISTER JUST TAZERED THOR@!
• THIS IS THE BEST MOVIE EVER!
• OKay Younger Sister is pretty awesome
• THor beats the SHIT out of a bunch of ER doctors
• Someone tranks him
• I hope my cat is all right
• Now they're talking about wormholes
• Wow College Chick runs Thor over AGAIN.
• Some hillbillies try to lift the hammer of Thor and fail.
• Oh Jesus it's agent whatshisname from SHIELD.  Agent Jackass, maybe?
• THOR GETS NAKED
• College Chick thinks he is "pretty cut"
• This will not end well
• OH SHIT WE'RE BACK ON GALLIFREY
• Where is the Doctor?
• Guys let's be honest: David Tennant sucked.
• Wow okay Loki is the best villian in any Marvel movie because he has like complex motivations.  He thinks Thor is an arrogant fool who is unfit to rule, WHICH IT TURNS OUT IS ABSOLUTELY CORRECT.
• Thor smashes a coffee mug, much to the chagrin of a breakfast waitress
• OH SHIT HE KISSES COLLEGE CHICK ON HER HAND!
• Oh shit she's eyeing him like the twilight girl 
• Jesus I hate this movie
• Agent Jackass with SHIELD is kind of a tool
• he steals College Chick's truck.
• Younger Sister is mad that her Ipod was in the truck
• OH SHIT THE WEIRD OLD MAN KNOWS BRUCE BANNER AKA THE HULK
• Back on Gallifery, Gimli is pissed off.
• Thor goes in to a pet shop and demands a horse
• The pet shop owner is not pleased
• OH SHIT THOR IS FLIRTING WITH THIS CHICK
• Man this is kind of like when random women try to get it on with a 900 year-old Time Lord
• OH My god I think Thor is about to kill the fuck out of some SHIELD agents
• Long story short: he does
• This is actually a little tedious.
• NO.
• OH MY GOD NO.
• NO FUCKING WAY
• THERE IS A DUDE WITH A BOW
• A BOW.
• I THINK.
• I THINK IT MIGHT BE HAWKEYE
• OH MY GOD
• OH
• OH MY GOD
• THIS IS A GREATEST MOVIE EVER
• AND I JUST GOT SO MUCH MORE EXCITED FOR THE AVENGERS MOVIE.
• HAWKEYE
• NO FUCKING WAY
• HAWKEYE
• OH MY GOD IT IS HIM!
• Thor mud wrestles with some dude dude
• Oh SHIT Thor can't lift the hammer of Thor :-(
• I may be inebriated.
• HAWKEYE!
• Okay let me back up and explain Hawkeye.
• Basically, he is like the Green Arrow, except PURPLE.
• So basically, he is the greatest thing ever
• Loki wears an argyle sweater in the real world
• It's 3 AM and I really want to go to bed
• Oh wow Thor gets crunk at a bar
• if Hawkeye doesn't come back I will start to hate this movie again.
• OK this is dumb I haven't seen Hawkeye in 15 minutes and I am tired as hell.
• I'm going to bed see you alls in the morning.
• Morning now.  Can't remember what happened in the movie so far.  Oh wait: absolutely nothing.
• Thor still drinking in a bar with the old dude
• Old dude gets wasted way faster owing to the fact that he is not the God of Thunder.
• College Chick is pretty awkward around Thor
• Oh dear now they're romancing around a campfire
• This is awful
• Some tripe about how in Asgard, magic and science are one in the same thing.
• Oh no now College Chick is getting giggly
• Back to Asgard:  Gimli is a fatass.  He seems to be eating and entire wild boar with his hands.
• Thor's friends decide to go find him
• Agent Jackass of SHIELD is on the move
• College Chick and Thor cook breakfast together. This will end in tears
• Loki summons a fucknormous robot.
• Lots of people are staring at Gimli in the real world.
• PS: Thor's other friends appear to be Xena, Jackie Chan, and Robin Hood.
• Loki kills the nice gatekeeper man
• Now it's like Agent Jackass versus a giant fucking Loki robot
• They think maybe it's an iron man robot
• Nope, it's killing them all
• Thor and College Chick evacuate the town while Gimli, Jackie Chan, Xena, and Robin Hood go fight the robot.
• (Thor doesn't have his powers because he fucked up)
• Gimli gets curbstomped
• Xena jumps off a building and stabs the shit out of the robot
• It comes back and basically blows up an entire city
• Thor tries to convince Xena not to get her ass killed.
• Man for a movie about Thor, he is spending and awful lot of time without his powers.
• Thor goes to confront the robot powerless. This seems a onesided match
• REALLY sappy music plays for some reason during this fight scene
• Stuff blows up in slow motion
• Thor appeals to Loki's sense of morals and offers up his life in exchange for the humans
• Robot curbstomps Thor
• College Chick runs in slow motion towards him
• oh no now Thor is dying and College Chick is crying
• If they kiss I will vomit
• Oh fortunately Thor dies first
• except now she's REALLY crying
• I loathe this film. Where did Hawkeye go?
• OH SHIT THE HAMMER TAKES OFF
• ITS FLYING TOWARDS DEAD THOR
• OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
• OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
• okay I think he's the God of Thunder again
•  Um okay this fight scene actually sort of doesn't suck
• Thor makes a giant tornado by swinging his hammer around.
• There's basically some sort of nuclear explosion, but somehow the people survive
• Oh no now College Chick is even MORE attracted to him
• Agent Jackass arrives!!!
• Thor offers an alliance if Agent Jackass returns Younger Sister's iPod
• Agent Jackass is pleased
• Oh shit now College Chick and Thor are leaning in close.......
• Thank God he only kissed her hand
• OH WAIT HELL NO
• Great: let's make out with the immortal and infinitely old God of Thunder. Maybe if we're lucky a 900 year-old Time Lord will show up.
• DAMNIT
• Now Thor and Loki are reunited. It is not a happy reunion. 
• For some reason the Death Star is here.
• It seems to be blowing up Gallifrey
• Where did Hawkeye go?
• Loki flips a shit.  He is not happy that Thor made out with a lady.
• NOW THEY START KILLING EACH OTHER
• Loki casts Mirror Image
• Thor lightnings the shit out of all of them
• Thor sets of some sort of nuclear bomb.
• Loki gets sucked off in to some sort of distant galaxy
• The portal between Gallifrey and IRL is destroyed.  Thor and College Chick are stuck on opposite sides
• Sappy music plays
• College Chick is sad
• So is Thor
• Sappy music
• End credits
• I hate my life
• I wonder if the inevitable after-credit sequence will have HAWKEYE
• More likely it will involve Tony Stark being an alcoholic and Nick Fury being a bamf
• ho-kay here we go
• Old man wandering through a tunnel
• Nick Fury appears
• They converse awkwardly about nothing of consequence
• Oh Loki is sort of here too
• Wait. Where is my cat?

Viewing images

It has come to my attention that many of the image links are not working for some people.  I'll figure this out soon, but for now, everything seems to work if you right-click  >> "open link in new tab"  from Chrome.  You can also clear your cookies and make everything work normally, but this is also annoying.

Could people comment below and let me know 1) what browser you are using, 2) whether you have had problems viewing some of the images, and 3) what the extent of this problem was.

Thanks,
-WhoTraz

s02 e10 The Dalek Invasion of Earth

In which the Doctor and his companions thwart the...well...Dalek Invasion of Earth.

Review: 
Between a crowd-surfing Dalek and Barbara running over a Dalek in a fire truck, this is easily in the top 20 episodes ever.

Important Firsts:

• First returning villain
• First companion to leave the show
• LAST appearance of Susan (for 19 years, anyway)

Musings:

• We get a fairly unique pre-intro title screen showing some Dalek saucers hovering over London along with some spooky alien music.
• I LOVE that of all the aliens in the Whoverse, it is the Daleks that get the classic "flying saucer" design.  It's also cool how consistent the ship design has remained over the years.
• After she falls off a rusty bridge like an idiot, The Doctor tells Susan that she needs "a jolly-good smack-bottom."
• The crew wonders if they are in contemporary London, but don't seem overly bothered by that sign behind the TARDIS.
• Look at this picture and tell me why Ian and Barbara are not boning.
• The Dalek's employ some vaguely cyberman-like constructs called "robomen".
• Susan and Barbara get separated by a collapsing staircase. 
• Some refugees take in Susan and Barbara and ask them if they have any relevant skills, since everyone must pull their weight.
• "I cook," says Barbara.
• "I eat," says Susan.
• Ian and the Doctor escape some robomen by diving into the river.
• And actually, everything seems to be going pretty well until OMFG.
• The Daleks do not yet recognize the Doctor yet, though according to the Doctor, this actually happens earlier than their last meeting.  A million years earlier, apparently.
• However, the Doctor sure as hell recognizes the Daleks, and you can already see his hatred for them growing. He tells them off pretty good.
• The Daleks wear some funky-ass backpack that allows them to operate off of metal floors by collecting static electricity out of the air or something.
• One of the Earth scientists refers to the Dalek shells as being made out of "Dalekanium", which is the first time it is called by this name.
• The Daleks are lead by a black Dalek, which is the first time we see a Dalek of a different color, and is basically the beginning of the end.
• Some guy with brainy-specs makes some sort of anti-dalek grenade.
• It's not really an invasion, actually, it's an occupation.  The Daleks already control the whole planet.The Dalek's master plan involves using a huge bomb to remove the Earth's core and replace it with a powerful drive system so that they can pilot the planet around the galaxy.   This, of course, is absolutely ridiculous.
• "Daleks," says Barbara "Everything they touch turns into a horrible sort of nightmare."
• The world's baddest baddass confronts some Daleks.
• This goes poorly.
• If I'm not mistaken, the Tenth Doctor recalls the events of this story in "The Stolen Earth"
• Actually, there are a lot of awesome references between the two stories.
• "Maybe everything will be all right!"
• No, Susan.
• A pretty epic battle in front of the Dalek saucer, with the humans wielding anti-dalekanium grenades.  It doesn't go super well, but allows some prisoners to escape.
• The Daleks use stupid-looking bombs.
• Barbara escapes in a fire truck.  You already know where this is going.
• Susan begins to fall in love with David, a dude who is probably right for her.
• Ian escapes back to the river.  This goes less well than expected.
• Susan and David take their relationship to the next level.
• Susan says "I never felt there was any time or place that I belonged to. I've never had any real identity."
• David replies: "One day you will. There will come a time when you're forced to stop travelling, and you'll arrive somewhere."
• And then next they OH DEAR GOD.
• Continuing his streak of hiding in stupid places, Ian is accidentally sealed inside a bomb.
• And then dropped off a cliff.
• Even after watching, I am a little unclear how he survives.
• Some slave miners revolt, and a Dalek celebrates by crowdsurfing. 
• In the end, David asks Susan to stay, but she says that no, her place is with her grandfather.  The Doctor, however, has different plans for her.
• Actually, you should just watch this, because it's pretty moving.
• Okay, I have to admit, I like the scene re-scored and smeared in Murray Gold tripe, despite the anachronism. 
• And yes, loathe as I am to admit it, I will miss Susan.  She really grew on me in the end.  In enjoyed the theme of her becoming more and more independent.
• The Doctor never does return in the series, although they will be briefly reunited in "The Five Doctors," albeit without retaining a memory of those events.  There is also an Eighth Doctor novel in which he returns, but I haven't read it.
• I try not to think about how vastly Susan will outlive David.
• On the other hand it may be a moot point, since Susan was presumably killed along with every other Time Lord in the Time War.  The saddens me more than I would have thought.
• Apparently Carol Ann Ford left the show because she was unhappy with the direction that the character was going.  Gee, I wonder why.

s02 e09 Planet of the Giants

In which the TARDIS crew gets shrunk down to tiny size and must make their way across a lawn filled with hostile insects while in no way inspiring later films.

Review:
Surprisingly, not even the fact that the episode contains an environmental message inspired by Rachel Carson's Silent Spring can stop this from being ridiculously good fun.

Important Firsts:

• First episode set on entirely on contemporary Earth.
• First episode involving a miniaturized Doctor.

Musings:

• No but seriously, I'm not kidding about the Silent Spring thing. The writer had just finished reading Silent Spring, and the whole reason he miniaturized the crew was so that they could come face to face with the dangers of insecticide.
• Originally this story was four segments long, but the last two were spliced into one to make for a faster-paced conclusion.
• This essentially left a one-segment hole in the production schedule, which was later filled with the one-shot story Mission to the Unknown, which is unique among Doctor Who stories in that it involved none of the regular cast.
• Originally, the pilot episode of the series was supposed to involve the TARDIS crew being miniaturized. This was back when the TARDIS was conceived of as less of a time and space machine than as a general purpose mystery-box.
• The TARDIS doors open on their own in the middle of the time vortex, and Susan turns into some sort of pointer.
• I think for the exterior TARDIS shots, they are actually using their usual miniature model in someone's backyard instead of on a set at the same scale.
• The TARDIS scanner blows up because it tries to display something too big for its frame.  I'm glad my television doesn't work like that.
• The sets look awesome.
• Susan makes a friend
• Actually, though, the ant is dead, as are all the insects the crew encounters.  That anti-pesticide message is starting to seep through.
• Ironically, it's Susan who first figures out that they have been miniaturized.  Ian prefers to cling to the notion that they are, in fact, on a planet of giants.
• Susan is really starting to annoy me less as she becomes more and more competent. 
• The explanation given for the shrinking is that when the TARDIS doors opened in mid flight, the "space pressure caused us to reduce"
• Um.
• Ian gets separated at 13:10 when he climbs inside a matchbox and gets picked up by kind of an awesome man.
• OH SHIT THERE'S A CAT.
• Some long conversation about the dangers of insecticide between a nice scientist and a weasely pesticide manufacturer...
• ...who proceeds to murder the scientist with a gun.
• The TARDIS crew feels the reverberation of the gun as a big explosion, like an ancient cannon going off.  
• The scientist falls to the ground, spilling Ian and allowing him to escape.
• The crew is reunited by the body of the dead scientist. 
• The crew decides to make haste back to the ship...
• but OH SHIT THERE'S THE CAT.
• Ian takes refuge in a briefcase and gets carried.  You think he would learn.
• Some more yammering about pesticides between the local giants.
• The Doctor and Susan climb up the inside of a rusty drainpipe.  I'm pretty impressed that the Doctor manages this, although he just barely makes it.
• A line in Neil Gaiman's "The Doctor's Wife" implies that the Doctor left Gallifrey about 700 years ago, meaning that he was about 200 years old.  Given that Susan is only 16, he must not have been wandering around too long.  I'm thinking the Doctor acts around 75 or so in human terms, implying that Time Lords age about one third as fast as humans within a given regeneration.  On the other hand, the Eleventh Doctor is seen 200 years older in "The Impossible Astronaut" without seeming to have aged a day.  It could be that only the first regeneration ages normally, which would make sense since they do start as children and age to adulthood the first time around.  I dunno. 
• Barbara also makes a friend, although this one is alive.
• Ian and Barbara reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaalllyyyyyyy need to bone, and I really need a new running joke.
• Barbara fondles some pesticide-covered wheat granules.  I get the feeling this will come back and bite them in the ass.
• Once she realizes what she's done, Barbara decides that it's a good idea not to tell anyone.
• Ian and Barbara make a ladder out of paperclips.  Great fun.
• The Doctor and Susan emerge from a sink. 
• Barbara starts to die from the insecticide.  She still doesn't tell the rest of the crew. Eventually they get suspicious of her passing out every couple seconds.
• Finally, the TARDIS crew manages to phone a kindly old couple by stamping around on a telephone.  They set events in motion leading to the apprehension of Evil Pesticide Man.
• The elderly man comes to investigate, and gets a gun pulled on him. 
• The TARDIS crew lights a match by running it at a matchbox like a battering ram.
• In turn, they light a gas jet and direct it at an aerosol can.
• The resulting explosion blinds Evil Pesticide Man and saves the day! Great fun!
• Back in the TARDIS, the Doctor works out a way to grow everyone back to normal size.  Doing so astronomically reduces the relative amount of pesticide in Barbara's system, and the day is saved!
• In the cliffhanger, the TARDIS takes off on its own.
• BECAUSE NEXT EPISODE HAS DALEKS.
• No for real though: "The Dalek Invasion of Earth" is a big deal, and I'm super excited to watch it again.

Season 1: a retrospective

Title Sequence

Worst companion fail: "But the Aztecs were Mexicans. We must be on Earth!"
Best companion win: Probably Ian, master of disguise.
Best monster: this is an easy one.
Best Dalek defeat: Ian rolling one on to his jacket
Best Doctor pic: Probably toking up
Best Quote: "I made some cocoa and got engaged" --The Doctor
New series bonus round: I STILL love this.

A video involving a dalek and a puppy.

s01 e08 The Reign of Terror

In which some French people freak out, the Doctor's companions get arrested a lot, and the Doctor hikes 12 kilometers through some farmland to rescue them.

Review:
So I realize that Doctor Who season finales don't exactly have the best track record, but at least they've never been this boring.

Important Firsts:

• First season finale.
• First time the Doctor beats someone unconscious with a shovel.

Musings:

• Susan states that the french revolution, i.e. the Reign of Terror, is the Doctor's favorite period in Earth's history.  Evidently the Doctor enjoys being bored.
• Nevertheless, the Tenth Doctor shares this fascination for all things French.
• There's an extremely shrieky, whiney frenchmen who is actually more annoying than Susan.
• In fact pretty much all the French in this episode ham it up to a fairly extreme degrees.  It's pretty obnoxious.
• Barbara changes into a more period-appropriate outfit BASICALLY WHILE IAN WATCHES
• *sigh*
• Some French set fire to a barn in which the Doctor lies unconscious.  His companions are dragged away to be executed.
• Things look pretty grim for the Doctor at the end of the first segment, as he wakes up just long enough to pass out from smoke inhalation.
• The barn goes up in a pretty epic blaze.  They're burning a model here, but based on the size of the flames, it's a pretty big model.  Adjusting for the time period, these special effects are basically the equivalent of this.
• A lecherous leper of a French jailer offers to trade Barbara freedom in exchange for sex.  She slaps him in the face.
• Barbara and Susan reminisce about being taken captive by cavemen in the first episode.
• The Doctor is rescued by a dirty little frenchboy.
• The Doctor decides to hike the 12 miles to Paris to rescue his companions.   He spends some time looking for a walking stick.
• Setting across the French countryside with a look of grim determination, the Doctor marches along to a bopping ditty.
• The Doctor encounters a French taskmaster slavishly driving some debtors who are building a road. What follows is one of the best Doctor Who scenes ever
• The doctor walks for another three segments (about one hour of real time).  Meanwhile, his companions sit in captivity and are menaced by various boring Frenchmen.
• Upon arriving in Paris, the Doctor dons a pretty bitchin' disguise and proceeds to rescue his companions in style. 
• It good to see the Doctor doing to rescuing for once, a job usually left to Ian in previous episodes.  The writers are finally starting to cast the Doctor more in the role of hero.
• Unlike all episodes up until this point, The Reign of Terror does NOT end in any sort of cliffhanger, and in fact suggests that the crew will have several adventures before we see them next.   This is fitting for the end of a season, and it also gave a place to allow spin-off media such as novel and radio plays to insert adventures without breaking continuity.
• "Our lives are important—at least to us—and as we see, so we learn... Our destiny is in the stars, so let's go and search for it." --The Doctor, last line of the first season.

s01 e07 The Sensorites

In which some aliens telepathically menace some humans on a spaceship, only then it turns out the humans have been huge dicks all along.

Review:
Exactly like this, but without any special effects.


Important Firsts:

• First display of Time Lord telepathy (by Susan, no less)
• First discussion of Gallifrey (though not by name)
• First use of "brainy specs"

Musings:

• The episode begins with a series recap of sorts as as the Doctor and his crew reminisce about their adventures so far and how they have changed as individuals and as a crew. 
• The Doctor notes: "It all started out as a mild curiosity in the junkyard, and now it's turned out to be quite a great spirit of adventure!" which sums up the whole series nicely
•  You can see that the Doctor is actually starting to like adventuring for the sake of adventuring, rather than just for the sake of escaping the stuffiness of Time Lord society.
• A Sensorite cuts the lock off of the TARDIS, which then prevents the crew from getting back in.  A strange sort of lock indeed.
• 10 minutes in and no one is separated yet.  A new record?
• We're in the 28th century, evidently. 
• Maybe Ian and Barbara finally bone in this episode?
• Edit: nope.
• The Doctor does some vague pelvic thrusting.  Not sure why.
• The Doctor puts on some spectacles in order to do smart things such as pilot the space ship.  The Fifth and Tenth Doctor also had this habit, though in the First Doctor's case it probably had more to do with being blind than trying to look smart.
• 12 minutes and he crew is still all together.
• The Sensorites have heads that look kind of like testicles.
• A lot of weird mind control in this episode.  
• 16 minutes, NOBDY separated yet. 
• One of the spaceship's crew has seen better days.
• Fortunately, they help him out by using some sort of OH MY GOD!
• Ian has a sighting that reminds me a lot of that movie about the gremlin on the airplane wing.
• On a related note, Susan runs off screaming and somebody finally gets separated at 19:23.
• "Where does the power come from" asks Ian.  "Electromagnetics!" answers a crewman.
• Susan is able to detect the Sensorites telepathically.  This is the first display of Time Lord telepathy.
• Then again, it's unclear if this is a universal Gallifreyen trait or restricted to Time Lords.  I still have a lot of trouble imagining Susan passing her Time Lord SATs or whatever.
• Susan and Barbara work together to nuke the Sensorites with a telepathic mind-bomb.
• It turns out that the Sensorites are actually timid creatures who fear the human spacemen and are trying to use telepathy to defend themselves.  This is actually a pretty cool twist.
• BRAINY SPEC ATTACK
• The Tenth Doctor references the Sensorites in the episode "Planet of the Ood" 46 years later. Apparently they come from a planet very near the Ood, and they are closely related species.
• The Doctor's disdain for weapons first comes out here, when he has to opportunity to use a ray gun but refuses.
• The Sensorites have a remarkably complex culture.  It's cool what the show could do with a 2 or 3 hour runtime instead of 45 minutes. 
• There's kind of an "Avatar" theme running here, where the Sensorites are being menaced by greedy humans...
• ...except instead of "Unobtainium", the element of conflict is "Molybdenum," which is the stupidest sci-fi bullshit if I've ever heard.
• Oh wait.
• The Sensorites wear some really stupid jumpsuits. Check out those feet.
• Susan disobeys the Doctor for the first time, and the Doctor FREAKS OUT.
• This precipitates a pretty good argument between them. 
• "In all the years my granddaughter and I have been traveling, we've never had a an argument.  And now, you've caused one!" says the Doctor to the Sensorites.
• "It's not the Sensorites," says Barbara, "she's just growing up."
• And, indeed, loathe as I am to admit it, Susan is remarkably competent in this episode.  She understands subtleties of the Sensorite culture that even the Doctor misses. 
• The jumpsuits may be dumb, but their masks and makeup are remarkably convincing.
• "These 'humans' are so hideous" says one Sensorite.  
• "But consider," says another, "to them, WE may look hideous." no shit, testicle head.
• One of the humans asks Susan about where she comes from:
• "It's been ages since we've seen our planet.  It's quite like Earth...but at night the sky is a burnt orange, and the leaves on the trees are bright silver."
• Gallifrey is next described 45 years later in the episode "Gridlock", when the Tenth Doctor also mentions the "burnt orange sky" and "silver leaves"
• At the end of them episode, watching the Sesnorites fly off, Ian makes a snarky comment about how at least the Sensorites know where they're going.
• This causes the Doctor, who is still a little ticked off from his earlier argument with Susan, to FREAK OUT and announce that he is dropping Ian's ungrateful ass off at the next destination, no matter where it is. CLIFFHANGER!!!!!

s01 e06 The Aztecs

In which Barbara is mistaken for an Aztec goddess, Ian defeats some mighty warrior with a lot of consonants in his name, and the Doctor accidentally gets engaged.

Review:
Did I mention that the Doctor's accidental engagement is the result of cocoa beans?

Important Firsts:

• First (failed) attempt to change history and discussion thereof
• First romantic subplot involving the Doctor

Musings:

• It turns out that Barbara specializes in Aztec civilizations.  In practice this means we have to listen to her talk for a miserably long time about history, which is never fun.
• Pretty good costumes.  Pretty dumpy sets.
• "But the Aztecs are Mexicans!  We must be on earth!"
• Following that gem, Susan looks at some cave paintings and declares: "Hey look: cartoons!" Great.  A Time Lord kindergartner.
• Actually, it's worth noting that not all Galifreyans are Time Lords.  As I understand it, Time Lords are a subset of Galifreyan who have stared into the Time Vortex and had their biology rewritten (mmmm, triple helix DNA!).  Susan may be simply Galifreyen.  In fact, it's pretty easy to imagine her failing whatever entrance exam the Time Lords use. 
• Barbara gets mistaken for a goddess when she waltzes out of the holy temple having donned a bunch of sacred jewelry....
• ...And gets separated from the group at 2:43.  This may be a new record.
• The high priest of sacrifice is not a nice man
• He is also a little bit lecherous
• The Doctor finds a lady friend, and they are absolutely adorable together.
• In fact, this is the only romance involving the Doctor that I have ever fully approved of. If ANY human is going to be the Doctor's equal, it's going to be a sweet, baddass, and extremely wise old woman, not some trashy 19-year-old.
• Also, I still can't get over this.
• Barbara insists on trying to use her status as goddess to eliminate the Aztec tradition of human sacrifice. When the Doctor finds out, he exclaims "You can't rewrite history, not one line!"
• He goes on to say "What you are trying to do is impossible. I know. Believe me, I know!" and you can really see the sadness in his eyes.  This theme would be repeated many times throughout the years, including in recent episodes such as "The Fires of Pompei"
• Granted, now that the Time Lords have all kicked the bucket, time is apparently more mutable, for good and for bad.
• Ian performs the vulcan nerve pinch on the Aztec's most powerful warrior, and as result is crowned general of the Aztec army.
• "They call me The Doctor. I'm a scientist, an engineering, a builder of things!"
• Susan gets locked up in a seminary for the middle two segments because Carol Ann Ford went on vacation.
• Susan TWEAKS OUT when she find out about the concept of arranged marriage.
• Of course that reaction is nothing compared to when she finds out that she is forcibly betrothed to next week's human sacrifice.
• Upon being introduced to the idea of cocoa beans as currency, the Doctor exclaims: "What an excellent idea! A currency you can drink!"
• Apparently consuming a cup of cocoa together constitutes a marriage proposal in Aztec-land. Blissfully unaware of this custom, the Doctor makes a cup for the sweet old lady.
• Later, when Ian asks the Doctor what he did that afternoon, the Doctor replies, bewildered: "I made some cocoa and got engaged"
• The evil high priest of sacrifice wears an increadibly stupid headress that looks like rabbit ears. In fact, all the hats in this scene are abominations.
• Also worth noting is Susan's fiancee: the naked dude on the rock.
• The Doctor constructs a baddass pulley system to open a temple door.  Pretty sweet.
• In the end, no one gets married, and the TARDIS crew barely escapes with their lives.  All's well that ends well?
• The Doctor is sad as he enters the TARDIS.  He slips a little trinket gift from the sweet old lady into his coat pocket and pats it, smiling sadly. :'(  

s01 e05 The Keys of Marinus

In which the TARDIS crew embarks on a series of loosely related high-concept adventures in an effort to collect all five legendary Keys of....ah fuck it: just watch this old cartoon intro which has exactly the same plot.

Review:
Anyone who actually watched Pirates of Dark Water back in the 90s will understand that this is easily the best episode of the first season.

Important Firsts:

• First shoes melted by a pool of acid
• First moral outrage from the old people of Great Britain.

Musings:

• Lower production values here, but they stretch it well to make a wide variety of cool landscapes.
• Why hasn't the Doctor done this in a while?
• I kind of like Hartnell flubbing his lines a little bit.  It makes it feel a little more realistic--like he's working through his thoughts.  It also adds to the impression of him as a doddering old man.
• The Doctor's companions ask him if he has color television.  He says that of course he does.  They demand to see it.  He awkwardly states that it is "temporarily hors de combat".
• Some aliens drive some pretty phallic submarines. 
• Susan's shoes get melted off by a pool of acid.  This plot point would end up being repeated some 47 years later with Matt Smith.
• It take all of 4 minutes and 27 seconds for someone to get separated. This time is particularly good seeing as Susan wanders off wearing Ian's shoes, leaving him barefoot on a rocky, acid-filled alien shore.
• The Voords are super cool-looking
• A Voord grabs Susan in a way that makes me feel vaguely uncomfortable. 
• Ironic that one of the most realistic alien costumes of the first few years turns out to be ACTUALLY a costume.  Or a wetsuit, more accurately.  The Voord look pretty much human underneath. Some more positively epic hand-to-hand combat from Ian.
• Barbara accidentally becomes a courtesan in some sort of brothel.
• And guess who runs the brothel? Easily the greatest monster in the history of Doctor Who.
• Barbara tells a fellow courtesan "I believe you are under a deep form of deep hypnosis."  
• How deep?  Pretty deep, apparently. Under the same hypnosis, the Doctor confuses a poop-covered coffee mug for a cyclotron machine.  I am not making this up.
• Barbara defeats the creepy brain monsters by smashing them to pieces with some sort of urn.  She would later repeat this performance in "The Dalek Invasion of Earth," except there she uses a firetruck to do the smashing. 
• The Doctor once again disappears for the middle 50% of this episode.  Poor Hartnell. 
• I just want to point out that the third segment of this episode is titled "The Screaming Jungle"
• In said jungle, an animated vine attempts to grope Susan...
• ...And no one believes her when she relates this experience.  This is pretty reasonable, given her track record.
• Moments later, Barbara is kidnapped by some creepy statue with four pectoral muscles
• The next segment takes places entirely in a snowy wasteland.  Unfortunately, I can't watch this segment without getting hungry given how much the snow looks like massive piles of parmesan cheese. 
• Barbara vigorously strokes Ian's arm to help with his frostbite.  I'm not even going to comment.
• Ian and Barbara nearly freeze to death, but are rescued by a creepy wolfman. 
• Fortunately, in this case, looks are deceiving, and he is actually quite sweet.
• Oh wait.  He tries to kill Barbara.
• Then when Ian comes back, the wolfman breaks down crying.
• The next segment features a panel of judges that look straight out of Monty Python, 
• The TARDIS crew teams up with a woman who was attractive enough that she caused a moral outrage amongst the old people of Britain, who felt that Doctor Who was becoming too sexual. This debacle would be repeated 47 years later when the Doctor teamed up with a stripper.
• After a pretty interesting twist where a bad guy dresses up as a good guy, the episode ends with a massive fiery explosion.  Television doesn't get much better than this.